Thursday, 8 January 2015

Reflections- and not recognising the you that you see.

2014 has been a strange year.
I got promoted. I left that job. I got a new job. I moved into my boyfriend’s house in Tufnell Park. I fell into depression and anxiety deeper than ever before (those two are unrelated!). We adopted our awesome ginger kitty, Louie. We travelled briefly around Croatia and France. I got put on antidepressants and had a lot of sick leave. I continued to feel deeply unhappy and lost in life. We then spent New Years relaxing and planning how to start making the most out of life again.

I've tried the normal life. I have tried forcing myself to fit in amongst my fellow London 9-5'ers; surviving on a diet of Netflix, dinners out, living for the weekend and, of course, pay day. But no matter how I try to convince myself it'll feel normal or good eventually, it doesn't.

So, this year I suppose I am on the pursuit of happiness. (Aren't we always?)
I want to be able to look in the mirror, recognise who I see and be proud of that person. I want to grab my life with both hands and shake it until I feel awake again.

I know I'm always going to have this illness, but I don't want to let it consume me as though letting it win is easier than fighting for the life I deserve (Obviously some/many days I do, but I have to fight this urge).

I haven't set New Years resolutions as such; I just started to feel a little better over Christmas and started plotting ways to shake myself out of this slump.

It begins with strengthening my weak body and mind with a 30-day yoga challenge from I'm now 6 days in and despite the pain I absolutely love it. Yoga - when you've found the right teacher (bow down Erin Motz) - makes you feel so strong. And running too. Running is basically meditation for people who can't keep still. Perfect for me!

I've also just left my 'new' job, the one that I hoped would be perfect for me. I won't go into it as it makes me quite sad (and nervous that I don't have anything else lined up), but hopefully I will now be able to focus on my health and figure out what makes me happy in this time.
Cue standard inspirational Pintrest quotes ;)
Next up for us is Canada at the end of the month, so lots of planning is to be done. And from there on, the rest is a blank canvas for now!

Here's to 2015, may it be a lot happier and healthier than the previous.

If anyone has any Canada travel suggestions by the way for near Vancouver/Whistler, please fire away!

Ps. I know this blog is very irregular and inconsistent, but that pretty much sums up my life so that's just the way it's going to be I'm afraid! 

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